scaredy-cat-cat-cat meow!

I'm a big scaredy-cat, fearer of the unknown, coward, whatever you may want to call it. I fear almost anything from stray dogs to domesticated ones, to snakes and all types of reptiles and animals alike, to ghosts, to whatever I imagine's under my bed at night to the creepy sound of our dorm room's blinds smashing to the window to homeless people... I could go on and on, but I'd like to finish this entry in at least 15 minutes. But apart from those concrete and tangible, mostly nonsensical fears that I have, I also fear for imaginary situations I picture myself in, some time in the future. Shempre etong entry na to, may pinaghuhugutan... While browsing through celeb tweets, I found THIS:

Though I'm pretty sure (I hope so) I won't work as a maid (not that I am degrading them, I do have so much respect for them and their job), I know that one day, I will work as a regular employee too just as this woman did, and I know that one way or another, I may face difficulties/problems regarding my own employer as well. What scares me really is that one day, I may find myself in a sticky situation which I may not be prepared for. As much as I'd like to think that the world is an idealistic place as it is, I know that this is not true. People die of hunger whilst others live indifferently in luxury. Others work 3 jobs for sustenance while others need not work a day in their lives. In short, the world and life itself are not fair. Like in this case of the Pinay maid, she was accused of theft and rude behavior by her employer who is a member of the British royal family and got sacked unfairly. This is just one out of hundreds or even thousands of cases of people abused by their own employers. This fellow Pinay is even lucky she was not physically abused nor sentenced to death nor wrongly convicted and sent to jail. 

In a way, I feel sympathetic for this woman since I also dream of working abroad. If I'm not too careful, I may (knock knock on wood) be in this woman's shoes may it be because of my own fault or not. So to cut this entry short, I am just glad she got justice on her side and won the case against her employer. 

May this serve as a reminder that in the face of the many challenges in our lives, may we always find courage and faith to stand up for ourselves and our rights as human beings. and...May all of our kababayans abroad who gave up a lot just to be able to send good food on their families' tables be blessed and protected by God always. May all of our kababayans who wish to work abroad like I do, may find strength to withstand all hardships, fears and trials they may face in the future... 

SUCCESS

I keep on thinking of myself as a huge failure. I am a failure as a student, daughter, friend, best friend, Catholic and whatever else you could possibly think of. It's true that many of us may think in the same way (for various reasons) but not in the same level ('coz we go through different problems and issues). Like say for example, I may be too hard on myself for being such a lazy, careless student whereas others may be beating themselves up for not getting a certain quiz perfect. In a way, even though we may all think of ourselves as losers, I still feel like I am on the lowest rank of all losers in the world. As I've said before, it's hard to keep up with people I don't level with, but I try to, as much as I can and want, to squeeze every juice of knowledge and wisdom I still have left in my brain in order to get by. But sometimes (or most of the time rather), I just want to give up. Like I don't care anymore whatever they want to think about me or however they see me as (through my performance in school) because in the end, I keep telling myself that I would find something amazing to do after I finish school. I keep dreaming that one day, I'll find that job that's perfect enough for me, for my interest and for my passion. It doesn't necessarily have something to do with the course I'm taking up right now, however, if that's what God has planned for me to do, then what reason do I have to make to get out of it, right?

In as much as I'd like to keep going, ranting about how much of a big loser I am (bigger than the biggest loser on tv! cornets!), I still have this ounce of inner strength and faith in myself that I am the opposite of everything I just said above... meaning, I am a WINNER! Even though I know (and I admit, <--yehes humble!) that I am not as smart as the smartest person in our batch, I know I have my own strengths, talents and abilities that no one else can take away from me (unless I allow them to). So for now, I guess, I have to maximize these abilities and the time (privilege!) that we were provided with in order to make the most out of the last 3 months (more or less) that we have left before graduation!

So I pray to God that whatever happens, may I be ready to face and be responsible for whatever price/consequence or reward it entails. May I end up crying in full tears of joy at the end of this journey! And may you, yes you who's taking time to read this may learn the value of hardwork in order for you to avoid committing the same mistakes I did! So, GOD BLESS US ALL! Thank you Lord for the successful report we had! LOVES IT!

and for my final words...

DARNA! ENOUGH SAID!

photos from HEARTHEARTHEART

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

I was kinda hoping that today's going to be such a downer like yesterday. Fortunately, I'm too much of a happy person (like all of my RBC's have happy faces on them and they flow through my body and bring happiness to my whole being) that I don't get upset that long. Yesterday, I was so emotional  that I had those moments staring blankly at the ceiling and kept thinking and rethinking of whatever the hell I did yesterday (see previous post), but since I was able to let it out (by praying and sharing it to some stranger), I do feel so much better right now. I may really have a bipolar disorder for having such extreme emotions shift from one to another. But I think that being able to express it through blogging and praying is more than a hundred notches higher than beating myself up or keeping everything to myself to pile up and explode later. 

ANywhooo, I am glad that I've come to terms with the fact that I will never ever stop committing mistakes in this lifetime and boy am I even happier that I have gotten past that stage of depression and went straight to acceptance phase. Now, I am nothing like what I've been yesterday. I was able to laugh at myself again and have moved on. Finally. Thank God and for my friends and for myself. Still, I wanna graduate already and get this over with! drama ko talaga, i love it.

FAILLLLLLLure

I had been preparing for this major major report for almost the whole of the remaining days of the sembreak after we passed our thesis last Nov. 4. I was pretty much engaged those last few days after All Saints' Day and before classes resumed last Nov. 10 that I have literally been up working my head off through several straight days and nights, with occasional pee breaks and privileged meals. I have never been so engrossed in such a schoolwork like this in my whole life and to think that final revisions for thesis and the thesis defense itself were only days ahead after classes resume. So to cut the long story short, I had yet made my biggest mistake and failure today as I have literally poured everything I have worked hard for for weeks down that freaking drain!! I had not only made a fool of myself, but I also proved to everyone in class today that I am such a stupid, nonsensical, trying hard student whose much better off called (whatever synonym of failure you have in mind right now). 

Anyway, I'm glad that we're almost halfway through. I really, really need a break and I need to catch up on a much needed sleep! Thank God tomorrow's enrichment schedule is only up to 12 noon (but I doubt that there's no catch to it, so I much brace myself for whatever that is going to be).

Never lose hope...

You know, I never would have thought that there will come a time in my life that I would feel depressed as I am these past days, that I am not smart enough. It would have been much more acceptable for me to feel down for not being as pretty or as fashionable as the rich and the famous, but never for the fact that I am not as mentally gifted as the others. It's not that I don't want to be smart at all because I do, but not to the extent of me being so grade conscious and becoming either vain or bitter that I am much more better or worse than the others. And who are these "others" that I keep talking about? Well, It is them who have been pressuring me for the past 4 years I've been in college (rather, 3 and a half years). 

Sometimes, being a mediocre or an average person won't keep you on the safe zone all the time. Sometimes, average people can and will try to keep up with the superior people and by the time they are in the midst of a battle, they'd feel exhausted and come to a point wherein they lose hope and surrender. Good thing this average person that I am does not give up that easily. Thanks to another good thing I call faith. It's really a blessing for me to have been a Catholic, with a deep enough faith in the Lord and a strong support system because I would never have survived this path I've chosen to take if not for them. So I thank you Lord, my friends and family for not giving up on me. Somehow, I've always thought that in the end, everything will fall where they rightfully belong and I cannot wait for that to happen! So, so much for the emo days, the crazy and wild me is back and kicking! Hopefully the emo days won't come back, not until they are about lovelife naa. echos! good night everyone!  Don't give up on life coz God will not give up on YOU!

REVENGE!

Just so you know, you worthless groupmate... ANG HARSH! (baka makarma)... nonetheless, I still hate you. How I wish I could put you through the same perils and adversities I've been through yesterday!! DRAMA QUEEN?!?! NAKOOOO God bless you na lang talagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... GRRRRR!!!!!!

DONE-DONE-DONE-DONE!!!

Hey you! YES YOU, dayum you thesis! We are so through! WE ARE OVER!! I can't believe I finally made it through the rain!! Kahit wala pang defense... GRABE intense.

I only slept for 4 hours yesterday!

FROM 2am-5:41 am the next day!! INTENSE!

THANK YOU PO LORD!!!!!!!! 

Please bless our thesis!!!